Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
