Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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