In America we eat man semen.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
