Where is the hickey?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
