So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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