I heard we made out
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
