She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
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i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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