Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found your dick twin last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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