strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
