im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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