I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
