just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
