Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
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this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have already put on my inside pants.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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