True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We left the knife in your bed.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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