I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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