the day after is always just damage control
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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