I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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