we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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