I'm lost and stupid without you.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
