When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
