Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
