____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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