If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
