i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
