i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
