dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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