I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
