the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
