Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
