I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Rumble strips road head = magical
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
