You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
