Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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