I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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