another moral hangover. fuck.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Still dying that you shit outside
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
