dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
