Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
