and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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