just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
