I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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