At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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