im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
