I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
