New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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