3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
