if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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