I think my vagina is haunted
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
