so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it's like iHOP with fire
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
