I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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