U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
