Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
