I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
