Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
