What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
