Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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