I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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