At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You took a bar mat shot.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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