i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
