Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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